Human needs develop as we grow with time. While, as a child we need an environment of comforting protection and unconditional love, as an adult we seek a feeling of self-actualization, creating one’s identity, being financially independent, and self-worth. This is the mental frame when, we ideally enter the phase of getting married and starting one’s family.
However, the frenzy around having a larger-than- life marriage, throwing a grand party (better than anyone ever has) and all such petty things, have somehow demeaned the very purpose and motivation of marriage. Marriage, in its true sense is Union of two souls who enter this institution to empower each other, support one-another and embark a spiritual journey of walking towards the sublime path together. It doesn’t matter if both the partners have different life goals as long as they share a common purpose of enriching one-another’s lives.
We all have check-list of things to do as an arrangement for our Big Day, so let’s have a check-list of things to do before getting finally hooked.
10 things to do Before going from Ms to Mrs:
1. Know Yourself – We all know ourselves in every other terms but, we barely understand our true selves.
Who are you without all the compulsive social masks? What’s the real purpose of your life? Spend time with yourself, knowing yourself. You can’t even imagine sharing your life with a person without completely knowing yourself first.
2. Be Individualistic not just Independent – We often misinterpret the term “Independence” with “Individuality”. Financial independence, no doubt is the stepping stone of one’s life and the first step to embrace one’s individuality but the later has more to do with one’s personality. An individualistic person is someone with a mind of his own who, doesn’t get affected by opinion of others, who evaluates things properly before following.
3. Have a start-up venture – You may or may not have a stable job, risk a part of your investment in your dream venture. This will help you step out of your comfort zone and definitely help you learn some substantial life-lessons. The nature of business might be small but your effort to make it work is what counts. Who knows it might prove to be the risk worth taking?
4. Learn cooking – You might be an independent, strong-willed female, but some pre-requisites are inescapable. Not a must but ideally one should learn cooking. It’s not an old-school philosophy, but it’s a part of embracing your femininity being independent. Cook for the sheer joy of it not as a mandatory burden.
5. Have a heart-break – There can’t be an award, or badge bigger than a mended heart. A broken-heart will teach you more than any guidelines you have ever adhered to. Take risks! Taste failure! A failed relationship, a career-option, have a broken heart and mend it with your will, dust off the things that let you down, learn a lesson and start afresh! Sport the failure as badge not as bruises to hide.
6. Take time out for your hobby – Before you end with pile of responsibilities that entails a married life indulge whole-heartedly in your favourite hobby. Be it photography, playing a musical instrument, your favourite sport. Never take your leisure interests for granted, cultivate your skills and take serious time out for the things that makes you happy.
7. Live with your family – Many of us while, pursuing higher education or a job have to stay away from home. During this phase we have a lot of personality, and lifestyle developments that our family aren’t aware of, and vice-versa. However, we must spend time at home with our family to know them better, to kindle the adjustive nature in us. When we live with our parents, not only we have the pleasure of their unconditional love and affection, but also we get to learn from their vast life experiences, their career life, and their marriage life is the best book to learn from.
8. Cultivate a Spiritual Inclination – Although Spirituality is a widely accepted school of thought, it is also one of the most misinterpreted terms. Spirituality is not limited to mediation; it is a way of living. When we dive in the sublime bliss of spirituality our way of looking at things, approach towards life transforms. Our mind gets calmer which makes our vision and way of life better. Such frame of mind and outlook helps one deal the difficulties of adjustment one has to face post marriage.
9. Spend time at Old age home – Not only will this reaps better karma but it also helps us understand life. When we visit the old-age home, spend time listening their story we get better perspective about life. It makes us realize and understand how we want to end our lives. While buzzing with energy of youth we do not care sparing a thought that we are going to age at some point in our lives. Marriage is a new phase of life if we begin such retrospective realization of how do we want to our old age to be, our married lives would be much different.
10. Read on upbringing – Sooner or later we all want to start our family after marriage, but a very important thing we conveniently skip is sparing a thought on the very essential process, upbringing. Most of us delay this for the later years of marriage when you actually start planning a baby. However, if we are already clear about what kind of parents we want to be it will help and prepare ourselves beforehand, as parenting is not an overnight process. One needs to work on being a responsible parent’s right from the beginning in terms of values as well as monetarily. In addition, this makes your vision clear as to how you want live your life with your partner before having a child/ children.
Marriage does not begin with the grand marriage ceremonies and parties, the real marriage begins post honeymoon. When one actually start living life. Hence, let us not get carried away by the idea of being Queen and King on our big day. Let us prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally before entering the institution of marriage.
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