As much as the Asian men love to take pride in their way of living, it would not hurt to admit that pride does not take long to convert into high-handedness or in this case patriarchy.
Agreed, there are many things that husbands from around the world can learn from Asian husbands, but there are a few things that Asian husbands would do well to learn (especially about gender stereotyping) from their western counterparts.
It would be highly ignorant to paint everyone with the same brush, hence the below-mentioned points might seem generalized but are only targeted towards a few narrow – minded husbands; whereas others could take these points as reminders if they wish to keep leading their present lives happily.
What Western Husbands do better than Asian Husbands
1. Get over gender roles – First and foremost, do not stereotype women; it is hard for Asian men to do this because right from their childhood certain perceptions are created in their minds about what men are good at and what women are capable of. A growing number of men are beginning to understand this bias but there is still a long way to go. Husbands cannot help but stamp certain roles on their wives but hey, do not judge or typecast women through the prism of your past.
2. They can cook like Lawson’s their mother – Surely some women cook well but not every lady is trained by Nigella Lawson; some men cook horribly (let a few ladies have this title as well, we men cannot have it all for ourselves!!) but that does not mean the world does not need more Jamie Olivers. Well, it would not hurt a man’s ego if a husband learns a thing or two about cooking. Western husbands apart from cooking often do the dishes as well; oohhh it would be a cardinal sin for Asian men to even think about it.
C’mon, for how long will you be dependent on your mother or your wife to get the most basic of your needs get done; stop being a mamma’s boy and learn to live independently and what better place to start it than the kitchen.
3. “We” applies to everything – Asian husbands seldom help their wives in daily chores of their house. Why is that? Well, for starters, Asian husbands are bitten by a bug that breeds patriarchy at a very early age. They find it demeaning to do household chores; well, guess what, after marriage there remains no such thing as I and You; there is only one big ‘We’ present; and this ‘We’ will be able to fully experience their ‘Happily ever after’ climax of their lives, only if they help each other and shield each other till they reach that climax.
So, stop being the high-handed boss and start being a helpful colleague to your wife and get your daily household work done, together.
4. I exist, you exist too – Asian men are highly family oriented, that is good but not always. Wives are expected to quickly integrate into the families; in this endeavour it is often forgotten that they too have a personality of their own. A personality that was built over the years and suddenly she gets married and is expected to forget what she really is and try to become someone completely different. After marriage her name might get a bit modified but she will always remain the same.
5. Kids are not just another social duty to fulfil – Having kids should be a couple’s decision; it is often seen that Asian couples have to have kids within a few years of their marriage not because the couple wants it but because of the fear of ‘what would the society think?’ Husbands should not compel their wives to have kids under pressure or by compromising one’s career choices; if done so it would not be fair to the couple themselves and certainly would not be fair to the child. It is a huge responsibility and should only be taken when both the wife and husband are ready for it.
6. Girl things are not a taboo – Asian husbands should bear in mind that girl things are not forbidden from even discussing them with your wife. It is essential to have an open-minded attitude about periods, hormonal changes etc. Do not avoid them but discuss them openly with the wife to have smooth sailing in the often rough weather of a married life.
7. Life is more than a social ladder to climb – Husbands should stop leading their lives under the perennial fear of the society; they should treat their wives with love and respect. The lesser the burden of the society’s thinking weighs in a marriage the happier it gets. You should take control of your lives rather than let the society’s traditions and perceptions dictate you.
8. Get adventurous – It is a popular perception that Asian husbands are not very adventurous, they like to keep things simple. Leading a simple life is not bad but adding a pinch of adventure now and then would really make life exciting though. One of the keys to a happy married life is to be often unpredictable both in and outside the bed. Experimenting and experiencing different facets of life would help you realise that life was not meant to be a boring home – office – home affair but it has a lot more to it.
9. Pause the drama – Asian husbands cannot stop being judgemental; maybe this comes from the feeling of self – righteousness. Though they love their movies, they have to stop bringing the reel drama into their real lives. By being calm and not over reacting you would discover that you make better decisions than when being angry and judgemental.
10. Above all, don’t be a hypocrite – The rules that apply to husbands should also apply to wives; the same goes with privileges. Husbands have to stop conveniently hiding their faults whereas highlighting their spouse’s mistakes. Avoid having double standards, bias, and deceit but have honesty, equality and sincerity.
In a nutshell, here it is presented again the ever-known conclusion that women are equal partners in a marriage, who are to be treated as such, so that both husband and wife are happy with each other and would give their best to keep this holy relationship strong and healthy.
